The Struggle for Power: Understanding Control Dramas

The struggle for power is characterized by a need for energy, and energy deficits are the main cause of interpersonal conflict. People use what is referred to as a control drama to fill up their energy stores at the expense of others. And some give up their energy willingly.

Just about everyone has had a control drama, particularly in childhood, and some people continue to use theirs well into adulthood.

What are energy parasites?

Very early on, as children, we begin to lose some of our power. In order to gain it back, we learn to manipulate for energy either aggressively, by directly forcing people to pay attention, or passively, by playing on curiosity or sympathy. We play out certain dramas which are effective for drawing the attention or energy we need, and in doing so we begin the cycle of pain and suffering caused by being judgmental.

There are 4 types of energy parasites.

Intimidator: An intimidator or bully may use physical or verbal force. Adults intimidate their children by hitting and yelling. Spouses intimidate with threats or bodily harm. Bosses who yell at employees are intimidators. The intimidator is the gangster of energy parasites.

Interrogator: An interrogator is a fault finder. This person always finds something wrong as a way of keeping someone else down. Nagging, nit-picking and constant questioning are favorite tools of interrogators. But the interrogator is only effective on someone who is willing to believe what is said about them, so this parasite must have a weak victim who is malleable and lacks confidence.

Aloof: This person acts mysterious, keeping to themselves in an attempt to force others to draw them out. Sulking is one of their tools. When asked “what’s wrong?” this type will always tell you nothing is wrong, attempting to hold your attention.

Poor Me: This person always has a pitiable story. Nothing ever goes right for them. You believe they just need a shoulder to cry on, but this person is one of the most manipulative energy stealers because their play on your sympathy never ends.

As children, we’re fighting to be heard; vying for position. The oldest always got in trouble for what the others did, so she might become an Interrogator, always making others feel it’s their fault, laying blame before it can be laid on her.

The youngest might have been last in line for everything, so this child learned that with a few tears Mom or Dad would pick her up to comfort her. She gets the energy she needs by making others feel sorry for her.

Giving up your control drama takes courage and conscious effort because the subconscious mind has made you believe that this is how you can stay in power. But as an adult, you have your own power. You don’t need to fight for it anymore.

Every time your control drama comes up don’t allow it to dominate how you react. It’s just residual imprinting from your childhood, teens or young adult societal interactions.

Look for the following energy parasite symptoms in yourself and others:

• Blaming others for your situation
• Complaining, nagging or nit-picking
• Seeing things as unfair; feeling sorry for yourself
• Using derogatory language or raising your voice to intimidate someone; bullying
• Not opening up with your feelings; remaining aloof

Any resistance to letting go of your control drama is directly related to your fears, which have become the point of power for everything you do. What you fear – loss, hurt, embarrassment, loneliness, humiliation, rejection – is what controls you. If you see a pattern either now or in your past, you will see that you have been the obstacle all along.

Control dramas require an audience. When you understand that all the energy is yours, there will be no need for one.

• Express yourself without expectation or the need for validation.
• Don’t react; slow down your interactions with others
• Allow others to fill up with energy so they can return it to the Universe
• Become a non-judgmental audience

Once you understand the struggle, you can begin to break free. Eventually the motives and actions of energy thieves will become transparent and won’t have any effect on you. And you’ll begin to realize that you don’t need to steal energy from others. There will be no struggle because of your intention to keep your own energy.